The Weirdest Press Conference. Ever.

Note: Before you start reading, this post has nothing to do with soccer although it has a bit to do with soccer... but you don't need to be a soccer fan to figure out how stupid the manager of Chelsea (one soccer team in England) is. This press conference was after Chelsea won last week.

R: Reporter
G: Grant (manager of Chelsea). He's Jewish by the way, which proves just how stupid Jewish people are.

R: Was it a deserved win?
G: Yes.

R: What in particular pleased you about it (it as in the victory)?
G: I am pleased.

R: What in particular pleased you?
G: (after a long pause) I am pleased.

R: Is it a relief to win here?
G: yes.

R: You seem lost for words by the performance. Are you more satisfied with the performance or the victory?
G: Both.

R: you seem distracted. Do you have a problem?
G: no Problem.

R: Is there an issue?
G: no i am OK. I have nothing to say.

R: Do you have a message for the Chelsea fans?
G: Do you represent the Chelsea fans?

R: How many steps have you climbed to undertake this press conference?
G: I don't know.

R: You seem less voluble than usual. Is it because of Sky TV moving the game to a Thursday? (the Chelsea game was on Thursday and this is not a usual day for games, they're usually on Saturday and it is Sky Sports (the sports channel) who scheduled the game for Thursday.)
G: Maybe it's because of you. I don't know. I'm OK.

R:Is it easier to say nothing Avram?
G: I don't know what to answer. It is a good question. I don't know what to answer.

R: Is this because of Sky?
G: No. Sky is OK. I enjoy watching them.

R: Is it a protest against newspapers?
G: No. Why?

R: Why else would you come in and refuse to answer our questions?
G: I answer every question.

R: You are two points behind Manchester United and you don't know if you are still in the title race?
G: No.

R:Have you told the players that you don't know if you are back in the title race?
G: What I tell the players is something else. You want me to tell you what I say to the players?

R: We just want you to answer the question really. Are you in the title race?
G: I don't know.

R: Would you not like to gain some positive publicity for the result rather than this bizarre silence?
G: I'm sorry. You can write whatever you want and I can answer what I want.

R: Do you feel under pressure to deliver a trophy. Is that the reason for the monosyllabic answers?
G: No.

R: Are you upset? Do you feel you have been misrepresented?
G: Maybe I am upset because it is a bad season.

R: Did Michael Essien faint?
G: He had some problems, but he is OK.

R: Michael Ballack?
G: Injured.

R: What's his problem?
G: Ask the doctor.

R: He's not here Avram.
G: We'll call him then.

R: Have you ever played the yes/no game Avram?
G: [Grant gets up and leaves.]

By now, you should realize that this manager is the worst in history, partially because he's Jewish, and partially because he's the manager of Chelsea which is a dumb team.